Empty Threats
by myheartsegg
Summary: Being a vampire wasn't all that bad. It had its perks, Hiro surmised. Note the super human strength, enhanced senses and super speed - but all good things have their drawbacks. Take for example, that morning. In which Tadashi is a little shit and Hiro is a walking disco ball. One-shot.


#heavy breathing

Tadaashi's a little shit. Hiro's a walking disco ball.

* * *

 **Empty Threats**

Sometimes, Tadashi loved mornings.

Being a college student and all, mornings weren't exactly his god sent favour, but sometimes – _just sometimes_ – he would find reason enough to get up at the ass crack of dawn. In particular this morning, Tadashi had literally bounced out of bed, feeling mischievous and high strung – and that only meant one thing...

"Hiro, time to wake up!" the older Hamada yelled, slapping a pillow down over the younger's head. Hiro grunted from the impact, but stayed dead to the world. Tadashi wanted to chuckle at the irony of that thought. "Wake up, Knucklehead!"

The elder released his hold on the pillow and moved around to the head of the bed, leaning over the half-asleep form of his brother to pull up the blinds. Tadashi bit his lip to prevent the snicker that threatened to leave them. His little brother was probably – no, _definitely_ – wearing only boxers, and that just made everything better.

" _Hiro,_ " he stressed, adding in his 'mother hen' tone for good measure when the younger Hamada didn't twitch a muscle.

"Mnn..." Hiro finally groaned, shuffling under his covers. A hand came up to remove the abused pillow from his face, eyes squinting and glazed over with sleep. "What the hell?" he mumbled grumpily.

"Get up Bonehead, we've got things to do!" Tadashi chirped, almost a little bit too cheerfully. The older Hamada silently thanked whoever was up there that Hiro's big brain didn't start fully functioning until well after 10:30 in the morning. "C'mon," he urged, shoving lightly at Hiro's shoulder.

The younger Hamada lifted his head off the pillow. "Alright, alright. I'm up..."

Hiro stayed in that position for two seconds before he flopped back down and turned over to face away from Tadashi. "...In five... minute...s..."

Tadashi watched in stunned silence as a lanky arm stretched out to pull the covers back over that fluffy head of hair. Not even seconds later, snores drifted up from the sleeping mound of blankets. "Unbelievable," he chuckled quietly, shaking his head in fond exasperation with a roll of his eyes.

Looked like he'd have to pull out the big guns.

Walking up to the little cubby hole he knew resided behind the large mecha clock that hung in their room, Tadashi withdrew a packet of gummy bears – from Hiro's secret stash.

"Hey Hiro," the elder said, smirk evident in his voice. "If you don't get up, I'll eat all your gummy bears."

That earned him a twitch.

A muffled voice came from underneath the comforters. "Hah, nice try big bro, but you don't know where my stash is!"

Tadashi decided to have a little fun with this. "So you admit to having a stash?"

"I-" Hiro stopped abruptly, most likely stumped about that one. "..."

Tadashi glanced at the clock behind him. 6 o'clock – still not time for Hiro's brain to be up and running. The elder grinned. Oh, how he _loved_ early mornings.

"You can't hide things from me, Hiro," the older Hamada teased, liking the way the lump on the bed in front of him squirmed slightly.

The wriggling stopped and an impatient huff left Hiro. "Whatever, I hid my sweets in a super-secret hiding place. There's no way you'd find them."

"Oh really?" Tadashi said, smirking smugly as he opened the small bag of gummy bears with a loud crinkle of the plastic packaging. The lump on the bed jolted, Hiro's face peeking out from the mountain of blankets within seconds.

When those two chocolate eyes landed on the opened packet in Tadashi's hands, they widened into round saucers. "M-my stash..." he whined pitifully.

"Not so secret now, is it?" Tadashi positively crooned, placing the bag of gummy bears on Hiro's desk. The elder relished in the way his brother's eyes trailed after the treats as he walked across the room.

"But-but how...?" Hiro asked disbelievingly.

The older Hamada jerked his head to the clock hanging on the wall, smirk stretching wider. "I know everything, little bro."

Hiro shook his head. "No, you don't," he said almost matter of factly. The teen made a vague gesture with his hand (Tadashi couldn't quite see what it was, considering it was still hidden under the blankets) and shot Tadashi with a pointed look. "I made sure that everything was well hidden and even waited until you were out of the house to access it!"

The elder of the two chuckled good heartedly, hand coming to rest on his hip. One of his eyebrows lifted in amusement. "Hiro, you've been using the same hidey-hole for _years_. I was bound to notice eventually."

"How long?" the teen whispered, voice thunderstruck.

"Uh, since you were about, what, five?" Tadashi asked himself. "Basically since that one time when you thought it would be a good idea to try and stuff all the broken bot parts that you accidentally snapped off my models into that tiny little dent in the wall."

Hiro flushed a bright red. "Hey! I was too young to know any better, so you can't blame me!"

Tadashi rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, smirk still present. "Says the child prodigy with the genius mind."

At the teasing jab, the teen shot upright, ready to start a verbal war, regardless if he was completely coherent or not. But he didn't get past the customary " _Hey, I-!_ " before the covers that were previously tucked around him in a cocoon fell away from his body, revealing pale alabaster skin that absolutely, positively, _sparkled_.

Tadashi quickly slapped a hand over his mouth, grin already forming as he watched his brother's scrawny body ripple in the sunlight, little dots of luminescence bouncing off his skin and onto the walls of their shared loft.

Hiro was basically a walking, talking, five-foot-tall disco ball.

"Hhh-!" The thought was so insane that Tadashi choked on his laughter, a dying sound escaping from behind his hand.

Hiro glared from across the room – he knew where this was going. "Don't," he threatened with a hiss. His eyebrows pulled low over his glowing red eyes.

Tadashi ignored the blatant intimidation tactic. The red eyes had spooked him the first few times, but Hiro was Hiro – his little brother would still be the same to him no matter if he was a vampire or not. In fact, to Tadashi, Hiro was comparable to an angry chihuahua...

A _sparkling_ chihuahua.

The elder smacked both palms over his mouth, cheeks blowing out around his clasped hands. "Hhh- pffft!"

"Don't. You. Dare," the smaller Hamada growled, pointing an accusatory finger at his brother.

Tadashi couldn't help it. The mental image of Hiro waggling his finger warningly at him while still _sparkling_ blew the older Hamada's self-control out of the water.

Tipping his head back, Tadashi howled with laughter, arms crossing each other and hands gripping his sides as he chortled at the incensed look on his younger brother's face.

" _Tadashi,_ " Hiro hissed between his teeth, scrubbing at his face tiredly. "Why must you always _do_ this to me?"

Between gasping for breaths, the elder of the two managed to get out three words, which were subsequently: "Vampire," "You" and "Sparkle". Tadashi doubled over in his renewed laughing fit, knees bending as they went weak from the incessant giggles that rocked his body.

"Ugh, you're such a _nerd_!" Hiro exclaimed loudly, flinging his arms up into the air and rolling his eyes in a dramatic display of displeasure. It was too bad that the action made the light beams swirl dizzyingly, as the intensifying sunlight from the window behind him reflected off his arms with the large swinging motion.

Tadashi laughed harder and Hiro groaned. His brother always did this to him!

"It's bad e-enough being a-a vampire, but spark- _sparkling_ , Hiro?" Tadashi snorted, now kneeling on the floor as his body convulsed with laughter.

"Sh-shut up!" the teen spluttered, body trembling and light spots trembling with him.

The older Hamada completely lost it at the adorable sight, body slumping to the side as he died on their bedroom floor, busting his gut.

Hiro sighed irritably and pulled back the rest of his covers, walking over on sleep-weak legs to where Tadashi laid, sides splitting. With a huff, the teen kicked his brother's shins, grumbling a "Get up already knucklehead," under his breath.

"Hey! Hahaha, ow! Ouch, Hiro, stop! Hehehe-!" Tadashi exclaimed, breathlessly switching between hysterical bouts of mirth and groaning in pain. The college student pushed himself up with one arm, the other still clutching at his stomach. His guffaws slowly quieted into milder chuckles, chest still heaving as Tadashi struggled to catch his breath and stand up simultaneously.

"Are you done?" Hiro asked cynically, scowling up at him when he was no longer vertically challenged and at threat of losing a spleen.

"Yeah- I think so," Tadashi choked out, grin still reaching from ear to big, dorky ear.

"You better be, _jerk,_ " the teen said as he punched his older brother's shoulder mock-seriously.

"Haha, ah!" the elder Hamada chuckled, recoiling in fake hurt and hands held up in a surrendering gesture. "Sorry, I guess I didn't consider how much being a vampire must... _suck_."

Hiro froze in his tracks, body stiffening.

Half of his torso and his left leg were already back into bed, but with the way those shoulders had tensed, Tadashi guessed that they wouldn't remain there for long. The teen slowly turned his head, observing the other with a squinting-eyed, brow-furrowed, mouth-pulled-down-at-the-corners expression that couldn't even begin to express how done he was.

"Really Tadashi? Vampire jokes?" Hiro deadpanned, voice bored and expression suddenly smoothing into cool recognition. Challenge accepted.

The young adult had to hide a twitch. Okay, two could play at that game. "What, too busy looking for your _necks_ victim that you can't give your poor older brother a little of your immortal time?"

The younger Hamada rolled his eyes and abandoned the idea of heading back to Sleep Land; he had his honour to defend. "You're really pulling out all the stops on this one. At least if you're gonna make puns on this subject you can do better than that."

Tadashi grinned almost maliciously. A glance at the clock read 6:30 am. Perfect. "Oh I can, but I dunno," he said with a shrug and a teasing tone. "It seems vampires don't appreciate being in the _punlight_." The elder Hamada sent his little brother a self-satisfied smirk. Hiro twitched.

The elder was the Pun Master in this house. Puns had never been Hiro's thing – he was more for sarcasm. (At one point though, they did go on a month-long pun spree in which Tadashi matched him pun per pun until Aunt Cass had had enough and banned them from the house until they stopped cracking stupid jokes that bordered on hysterical).

The vampire opened his mouth to retort, but Tadashi didn't give him the chance. "Well, it makes sense that they don't enjoy being in the punlight. After all, who likes being a… _**glam**_ _pire_?"

Hiro shut his mouth with a snap and growled under his breath. "What did you just call me?"

Tadashi glanced uninterestingly at his nails. "Nothing much… Just thought that you don't really appreciate being a glampire; what with all the sparkling you do."

"It's involuntary!" the vampire yelled, once again throwing his arms up into the air. Hiro blew his cheeks out in frustration.

"Sure it is," the human hummed, nonchalantly sauntering over to the desk and scooping up the opened package of gummy bears. "But it's okay little bro," he mockingly consoled. "At least we don't have to look for five-foot disco balls when you listen to Rick Astley unironically – we have one right here!" He popped the last gummy bear into his mouth.

Hiro scowled to high heavens. Eating his gummy bears was one thing, but calling him short, dissing his music choice _and_ mentioning his habit of sparkling? That was just low. "Har har, very funny," he hissed, arms crossing.

"Oh yeah – by the way Hiro," Tadashi said, opening the divider to his side of the room and looking smugly over his shoulder, "that was the last pack of gummy bears." The elder slid the paper divider shut.

The teen's eyes widened. In a flurry of limbs he was shifting the mecha clock to the side, only to find his brother was telling the truth. Jesus fucking Christ in a bottle. "What the hell Tadashi!" he screeched, already barging into his older brother's side of the room.

Tadashi was lounging on his bed, open book resting on his lap. He looked up with a shit-eating grin on his face. "Have a problem, dear forever-younger sibling of mine?"

Hiro climbed onto the bed and moved until he was nose-to-nose with his brother. His pupils contracted, narrowing into slits as his eyes flashed red. "I swear to god Tadashi, I will turn you into a vampire while you sleep!" he growled, voice pitched low, husky and _dangerous_.

"Is that a threat?" Tadashi scoffed, poking a finger at his younger brother's forehead and rolling his own earth-brown orbs.

"No," Hiro smirked, hand batting away the offending limb. He sat back on his haunches and sent Tadashi his most devilish smile. "It's a promise."

* * *

 **Omake:**

"Your sparkles do the same thing as putting them on an art project does," the younger vampire grinned.

Tadashi lifted a sculpted brow. "And what would that be?"

Hiro stifled a laugh and smirked at him mischievously. "Make you look gay."

* * *

 **Omake-Omake:**

 _Somewhere in America with other sparkling vampires:_

"Achoo." Bella said.

"Are you alright." Edward said.

"I think I'm," Bella said haltingly, "fine."

Jacob walked in without his shirt on.

* * *

 **-The End-**

(⊙◞౪◟⊙)


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